| In times of trust, we cannot change |
[20 Mar 2004|09:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Untouchable |
] |
I went to TLR last night, a band opened up for the DJ's.... They sucked...... ehhhh The lead singer hit himself in the head with the microphone... which highlighted my day :) But I spent my time with Theresa, Cliff and Carri.... I took Carri to E-Z mart to get herself a cheese weiner, paid for theresa and myself to get into the Club, and then we walked to Pe-King's China and ate there... We came back and hung out In Carri's room, and in the Store, poor Carri she was really sick, I tried not to say anything that might get her rhiled up.... I hope she feels better. We all took pictures together, and they all turned out pretty.. especially Theresa and Cliff... I'm so jealous... they're so pretty... : sigh : After about ten minutes of hanging out in the store, i started to get quiet, I was kind of jealous, I mean i'll admit this, I don't get jealous much, but when people flirt with my friend's I do, it's kind of one of those things like 'Hmm maybe if I was skinny and blond....' But I got over it... We stayed around and I took promos of Cliff and Theresa on Cliff's awesome car... They came out really good... which also left me wondering 'why can't I do things like this?' I had to snap out of it.. i'm the photographer, not the pretty face.... I'll have to live with this.... Anyways, we left and took theresa home, I went into my room, locked the door, and turned on my cd player.... I had my Rasputina cd in, which always puts me in a good mood, since they're my favorite band... I layed my head down, and closed my eyes, but i couldn't fall asleep, I kept dwelling on things that happened just a few hours before.... and then my thoughts switched to relationships... I hope I can find someone who won't fuck with my head as much as the last one did... i want a pretty boy though.. But that would take alot of work to make me look like pretty-boy-grabber material... I just need attention, I am an Attention whore.....
-- Kayla
You destroy my life... and smile as you kiss my hand, and let me fall from the mountain, into the abyss of your black heart.
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[16 Mar 2004|07:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 devious |
] |
He leads her by the hand
Down the corridore
And without the passer-byers saying
She knows that she's a whore
She can't help the feeling of lust
She just wants him to take her to bed
It's worthless asking about his feelings
He's thinking with the wrong head.
-- Kayla
I love poetry...
P.S. I wrote this bitch.
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[14 Mar 2004|10:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Void |
] |
Yesterday was alot of fun.. I got to give my little speech for SBA, and I got to hear Cliff perform outside of Open Mic... the other two bands just didn't do anything for me.... i'm really tired and sad... someone needs to call me, I just want a voice to talk with... I know I know little mo Kayla.. but I had a really bad dream.. and I just don't want to remember..... everything's so weird, my mom is being to nice to me, and my dad is just ignoring me... I think someone died in our family, I haven't heard from grandma lately.. or maybe it's because my sister is moving back to town, yeah that would make them fucking happy, they always put her before me, which doesn't bother me at all.. but since she has two kids, that will mean that I will always be put last, and her babies will always be number one, I better enjoy life while I fucking can.... enough whining...
Days seem so long now
That you've gone
I often find myself wondering
where did I go wrong?
-- Kayla
I'll be missing you.. I shouldn't dwell on the past, but two years was a long time..
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[10 Mar 2004|05:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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jealous |
] |
1. Don't type like a fuckwad.
2. Don't act like a fuckwad.
3. Don't smell like a fuckwad.
4. Eat plastic.
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| We were ment to live for so-much more... |
[08 Mar 2004|09:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
1. what you truly think of me. don't hold back. tell me everything you've always wanted to say to me, either good or bad.
and / or
2. a secret / how your life is going / just vent.
Stolen from
http://www.livejournal.com/users/morbidreject
Please post (:
On another note, a good friend of mine just passed away....
Lizzie (L'myla) I will always remember you, no-matter how far our distance was apart, I miss and love you dearly, I wish there was something I could have done... we knew you were sick.. but we thought you were going to make it.. i wish I could have held your hand while you slept, and been there.. but distance is a terrible thing... You're in a better place, and everytime I look up, i'll know, you're doing fine...
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| .. |
[08 Mar 2004|12:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
I feel sick, HEART SICK.... I just got back from SBA's practice, where I saw alot of my friends and so forth. I had a blast but before we left an old ghost called me (jeremy) I can't talk to him without bawling my eyes out like a baby... i miss him alot, and I want to see him.. but I can't let him know that I love him, it makes me sick.... I swore i'd never worship anyone like I do him, I lied to myself. On the other hand, I bought Cliff a cd, because I lsot the one I burned him, and the original copy, don't knoiw where it is but i'm sure it's in my house somewhere. Speaking of Cliff hahahahaaaaa no comment. Cliff's a good guy, and I feel like we're going to be good friends and so forth. Anyways, I took some pictures for SBA and i'm supposedly their 'manager' now... hehe maybe being a band manager will help my career... i don't need a career I need someone to hold me... I'm feeling lonely lately, but I still smile and carry on... I have deep emotions and I want to be understood, there's maybe three people I trust with things, but there's one person I want to trust with my heart, and he doesn't know I exist.
Kayla
Can you find it in your heart, to make this go away?
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| In the occasion of an Event |
[27 Feb 2004|07:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
I have a big ass competition coming up for art, and chances are I -won't- make it... I haven't finished my project, and i'm failing Math miserably... so that means no trip for me.. my teacher might give me a pass to go because i've worked on this thing for several months. (it still sucks) If i made a four i get to go to State.... Out of three divisions i'm in division 2, meaning that i'll be up against some good artists :/.. plus my friend amanda is going to be there, and me and her always get grumpy when it comes to competeing against one another... I'm also not looking forward to where the competition is at... PLEASANT GROVE... my old school... Oh the irony, OH WELL MAYBE I'LL HAVE FUN. My teacher has been riding my ass to finish this project, and I don't even have the papers signed!
In other news, I'm in Luh luh luh loveeeee
Don't ask who, chances are I won't tell you, you might see us together tonight, if he can get down here from Arkedelphia.... fahhh
-- Kayla
Spicketty Spicketty Dooo-whhhhaaappp
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| The Coming Of Christ... |
[25 Feb 2004|07:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
impressed |
] |
Gather around the camp fire, it's poetry time with Kayla...
We roam the graveyard
the witch's grove
'Pon which headstones
Peer at the world in immortal blunder
We walk silent over the dead
The sleeping decay
'Pon which wooden caskets incase
Nature's oldest wonder
We feel the seeping fog
Their last whispering cries
'Pon which the wind carries up
And then back under
We smell the fear
The rising tension
'Pon which rides apocolypse's seven horsemen
A deafening thunder
We flee to the woods
The trees at long arms
'Pon which the crow watches
And Watches the world in Immortal blunder...
Less than often, do I write a poem I am satisfied with... and here's one example of those rare occasions...
-Kayla
I want to smash the faces of those beautiful boys.
Ich hasse Schule.. Ich hasse SCHULE ach gut, promoviere nicht ich so ich nicht sorge mich.. Ich sitze auf furcadia sprechen mit diesen anderen dummen Deutsch... und ja ich bin fließend auf deutsch, aber meine Grammatik ist schrecklich... heute abend ich gehe zu TLR, offenem mic Nacht zuzuschauen..
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| Ring the bell. |
[23 Feb 2004|07:28am] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
] |
Fah.... someone come over and hang out with me, I'm so lonely ; tear-drop: but at the same time i'm happy and hyper. Cliff is a dirty old man. The end of my posting!! I'm running away to finish my song about Tiffany.
-- Kayla
Where's the bitch at? : insert sweater dance :
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| Survey |
[20 Feb 2004|07:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 giddy |
] |
Okay, I'm filling this out ABOUT Tiffany
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. Run-Around Kidd ... Self-explanitory
2. Am I lovable? hahahaha...do I have to answer this?
3. How long have you known me? a while
4. When and how did we first meet? On the bus, oh man that was funny.
5. What was your first impression? coughPOSERcough
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is? Taylor
8. Do you think I'll get married? Yes
9. What makes me happy? Taylor
10. What makes me sad? :points up:
11. What reminds you of me? Twinkies
12. If you could give me anything what would it be? A day with no tears
13. How well do you know me? pretty well
14. When's the last time you saw me? A long time ago :(
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? yes
16. Do you think I could kill someone? YES
17. Describe me in one word. Best
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same? I'm sad to say this, but Weaker, and I can give an explanation
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? Sometimes
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you? yes
OK
Fill this out about me :O
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
anyways, peace out, and I hope someone fills it out.
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| What the Dilly? |
[18 Feb 2004|05:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
I'm so trendy, I made a new WTD account
Check it out bitches
★ http://www.thedilly.com/view.user.wtd?id=195307 ★
Anyways, today sucked.... I keep having these breakdowns ... luckily I had someone's shoulder to lean on today... I'm emotionally drained and it can't get any worse... but then again it can... I don't want to stoop so low as to mention suicide, but sometimes things just fuck up.
-- Kayla
I've been denied all the best ULTRASEX
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| Time to leave.. |
[16 Feb 2004|07:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sore |
] |
Recalling friday and saturday's events...
Well Friday I had read texarkana rocks and saw that the Rockett queen show was cancelled... so i was really depressed and sniffling, ok and crying... but I called Carri and she was like 'WHERE ARE YOU?' I got even more upset because it -wasn't- cancelled... so they came and got me, Walter refused to play until I was there, which I thought was uber sweet... So the show came and went, and then we went to chris' house... to a little after party thing.. Jesus christ Jared scares me, He's so wild I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself....But it's not his fault that Jeremy poured dish washing soap on the floor to make him fall.... Me, Walter, And Carri left early to head back to Carri's... We watched some of Superstar and then I passed out, what happened after that I'd rather not say, but i'm traumatized.... Saturday morning I woke up and SINCE EVERYONE ELSE WAS SO LAZY. I had to go open the back door for the rest of the Rockett queen guys to come in, they had stayed in a hotel room all night, which they trashed I assure you that. Walter and Jared wouldn't stop touching my face, which pissed me off, but I got over it... So they left an hour later and me and Carri sat around for a while, got dressed went to her mom's and then left for the store... it was snowing like a whore and me and Carri felt as if we were tripping on acid.... it was -that- bad... We had to hurry and decorate, then only a handful of people showed up, which is fine because it was still an assload of fun... the Fantabolistics were a singer short so Cliff got to sing, I can't beleive he knew all the words to Hey Ya -Outkast- I was in shock.... I was hoping that the roads would freeze over so I didn't have to go home, I didn't go home anyways (another story) but I crashed out at 2:00 am and didn't wake up until 5:30 sunday afternoon... went home and then went to bed at 8:00 pm.. what's that shit huh? I slept allllll day... I'm so lazy... ohh I fell asleep on my discman listening to Cliff's cd, which is awesome.... Number eight is my favorite, I don't know.. I guess I can just relate to it? But anyways I woke up at two thirty in the morning, laying on my cd player, so there's a big headphone shaped bruise on my back, and I still had a pen in my mouth. (I was writing) I was so uncomfortable, so I did like I always do and shoved everyfuckingthing off the bed, and layed in my pile of eleven, YES eleven pillows, and one body pillow.... I woke up at 6:00 am and that's when i came over here, to write this post.. yessss...
- Kayla
Yeah I can relate
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| In other words... |
[13 Feb 2004|07:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
Tonight will be fun, I'm going to try and enjoy myself, I have a bone to pick with Walter, I declared war at the acoustic set, he should have never poked me, everyone knows how ticklish I am..... at the Valentine's day thing at TLR me and carri are going to work the kissing booth, Carri's going to get all the kisses. :( Why do I have to be so ugly?
- Kayla
Valentine's day sucks, So let's make-out
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| ...Uhhh |
[13 Feb 2004|07:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I praise myself.
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| Lyrics |
[12 Feb 2004|06:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
(THESE ARE SONGS -I- WROTE, PLEASE NO STEALING :( )
Drawing pictures
In vomit she lay
Head down
She'd been here for days
Needles in her arms
Eyes sewn shut
She hopes for a miracle
Little cum washed slut
She was in love
With fear of rejection
She was in love
Suffering from self-seperation
Crying
"Beautiful boy, sing me a lullaby."
Crying
"Beautiful boy sing me a song."
Needles in her arms
Eyes sewn shut
She hopes for a miracle
Little cum washed slut
-------------------------------
I would give up my life
To sit in the trees
The bleeding lives
They create
Innocence.
I would give up my everything
For my life
To breathe for the earth
Graceful branches
Euphoric escape
And the music we create
Would stop their wounds
From pouring
Red tears
Into the streams
I let my child drink..
From polluted water
and i set her high
In the treetops
Where she could grow wings
And join me in peace
I've clouded up my mind
With the days that are yet to come
I would give up my life
To feel the glory
To feel the expanse
of our horizons
And I would die a thousand deaths
To feel the love
that we can create
A ring of truth
Around their mighty trunks
------------------------
And the noise...
I couldn't feel anything...
And the little boys....
Were pleading mercy as they sing.
He said
"Child, I love you.. don't you wanna stay here with me?"
And the boy
"No mister, you're not worth my time...so so sorry."
And with a burning rage he took his head
And let the blood clean the wall
and when johnny was dead....
You could hear the angel's call
Oh little boy
Little halo haired boy
The things you wish you knew...
Oh little boy
Little halo haired boy
You just had to let him fuck you...
Johnny would have been a good boy
He could have hid his secret tight
But he became Mister Jones' toy
Left him crying in the night
Mister jones you hurt me
I'm just a boy
Mister jones you hurt me
I don't wanna be your's
anymore...
Oh little boy
Little halo haired boy
The things you wish you knew...
Oh little boy
Little halo haired boy
You just had to let him fuck you...
---------------------------
Well that's my only three i love to death, and yes that second one is about trees... I love trees...
Kayla
Silver dust and alcohol, can break our trust and make you fall.
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| A night filled with stars. |
[12 Feb 2004|06:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Distant |
] |
I have for a while needed some time to myself to calm down... and that's when wednesday rolled around. With a ruff week, hump day was my last chance before i emotionally broke down. The ecstatic pleasure The Living Room brings was at it's finest last night, so many talented lads and it was only a wednesday. Josh started off, I love Josh, he's my buddy and he's the sweetest, but most goofy guy you'll ever meet. And then Chris took the stage... awesome voice, and a great cover of Kylie Monogue's song uhh i forgot the title but it goes along the lines of (la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la boy I just can't get you out of my head.) Ehhh I know, Chris is great, right? (OH I forgot, Josh did a cover of my FAVORITE Lucero song.) The third performer was Cliff, now that was some talent, vocals and guitars. (Not saying those other two weren't talented.) But Cliff, my friend, you rocked my socks off, your original songs are absolutely great, and there was one in particular I could relate to.. but my favorite was the one about your sister. I'm really sorry I had to leave so early Cliff, But I did catch the last song of your's for five seconds. Enjoy the card, I'm such a dumb little girl.
Other than The living room, on the way home my mom was griping at me about how this music 'shit' was corrupting me, making me different. I really won't go into details, I want today to be a good day, and that would exclude any thoughts about my mother, she's a verbal Sadist. Fucking bitch.
---------------------
Kayla
'Live in virtue no desire, in the grave an Angel's choir.'
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| Gone Emo. |
[09 Feb 2004|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
God i'm so fucking depressed, Valentine's day does this to me.. I want to go to the dance at The Living Room, but... i just don't want to seem out of place... Oh well... Carri is on her way over, I have to go ....
- Kayla
She's a clepto
and your heart is next
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| Pretty little harlot. |
[06 Feb 2004|07:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relieved |
] |
I'm sitting in my living room listening to music... Have you ever woken up, looked in the mirror, and no matter how ugly or big you are, you just feel so pretty, not any pretty an earthly pretty, Sometimes I feel so other-worldly, I look my best without tons of makeup, and with cracked lips, is that bad? I like my natural self, I don't like to match my clothes either, I never iron anything, and my hair is always half assed done. I think the only time I ever put effort into getting ready is when i'm planning on going to ... well anywhere, but today I think i'll just stick with no makeup, and un-gelled hair.. it's already sticking up today so why do i need to encase it in pounds of goo? I feel so eccentric today, like i'm the queen of the world, I just want to float my way through today, I want to dance in the rain, and lay under the tree with my S.O.S. but first i'd have to find an S.O.S. which might be hard... because i'm the onlyone who sees my beauty.......
-- Kayla ...
I feel the dream in me Expire...
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| ....Hate Darkslide |
[01 Feb 2004|12:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
high |
] |
I hate darkslide... it's fun.. but I got beat with a skateboard, and now my shin is purple, my lovely shinnnnnn shjasgfjasfdd..... : yawn : I just woke up, last night's show was mad hot... civilian outbreak was awsome the only thing that pissed me off is the way they were talking about rockett queen, if you were there you could have heard me go 'EXCUSE YOU?' haha i was really mad... considering Walter is a friend and yeah.... but anyways short post... damn there were alot of whores at Darkslide..... I was suprised. :O...\
---------------------------
Kayla
'Is god's work to have us fail?'
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